I've been wanting to write something about friendship break up since I've been missing some of my ex-friends lately. After some thinking, I gave it a go.
Breaking up with friends is something not often talked about, despite its usual occurrence. For me, this kind of break up is a difficult phase since I invest in my friends so much. We love our friends dearly that when breaking up, big fight, or oblivion happens, moving on takes time. While I am still in the process of moving forward without some of my old friends, I want to share with you the process I am going through. Here are some examples from my recent friendship break up.
THE OVERTHINKING PHASE. I often overthink, and overthinking doesn't help any kind of relationship. But when the inevitable overthinking took place, you can use this time to (re)evaluate your relationships with people close to you. During these times, some questions may pop and shake your friendship -- questions like, "Were they sincerely concern? Do they really appreciate and support you? Though this might help, always remember to ask the right questions, so you won't risk losing a valuable friend. If you need assurance, don't be afraid to talk to your friend about it. Try to be honest about how you feel.
I only have few friends and this makes me clingy and sensitive to them. I always overthink, even the small things. But I am learning to shake off these doubts and rather save the friendship. A good friend is always worth keeping; we are all imperfect anyway.
THE UNCLUTTERING. When I already did everything I needed to save the friendship, yet we've reached the point where I am sure that it's an end game, I let myself cry again and again until I am ready to let go.
- Uncluttering the mind and the heart. You should take care of your mental health, so let go of the people that negatively keep you up at night. Do whatever it takes to free your thoughts and feelings. For me, I wrote a 2-page back-to-back letter to my ex-best friend. I wrote everything, then burned it. It did hurt for a while, but it made the baggage less heavier.
- Uncluttering the reminders. If you're the kind of person who remember people through their gifts or through the things that came from them, say 'amen' with me. You can avoid these remembrances by keeping them in a memory box, give them to other people or just throw them away. It's up to you, really.
- Uncluttering socials. It's like uncluttering the reminders, only it's on face-to-face events and on digital. As much as I can, I avoid gatherings where she would attend. I know it's a bit pathetic, and maybe someday I can face her when I don't care about her anymore. I also unfollow her and her boyfriend on social media only because it's toxic for me whenever I see her posts; it makes me want to uninstall my social apps. I thought of it couple of times and I was very hesitant before I clicked 'unfollow' because that time, I don't want to cut our relationship to that extent, I still want to have some news about her life, but now, I am really glad I did what I had to do for my own sake.
THE MISERY OF HISTORY. After all the uncluttering, I started to feel that the tightness in my chest started to loosen; there are days that I don't remember her. I have finally started to move forward, and accepted the fact that I have lost a valued friend. And that's the thing, she was valued, so no matter how I've forgotten her, there will be days that I will remember her and our friendship. As I said, I missed her, and it will always hurt a little. But it's okay. She had been a part of my life, that's why. I was never angry with her anyway, only hurt.
THE APPRECIATION. Now you can see clearly, look at the bright side. That one friend who left, replaced or forgotten you is JUST one friend out of the bunch who loves and truly cares for you. This is the perfect time to appreciate them and be there more for them. Now that you have felt what is like to lose a dear friend, you have the chance to take care of the ones who stayed and the ones who will come. Surround yourself with people you love and loves you back, who appreciate and support you as you do, and who treat you gently in this cruel world.
It might be true that some of our friends are seasonal, and some parts of that season may never go away. That pieces of autumn will always be part of you, and the best we can do is be grateful that your paths have crossed and shared good times.
It might be true that some of our friends are seasonal, and some parts of that season may never go away. That pieces of autumn will always be part of you, and the best we can do is be grateful that your paths have crossed and shared good times.
As we continue this journey, the only option is to move forward. So, what I hope for you and me is to find peace, and meet circle of friends who would actually choose to last, who you could grow old with. Because the true treasures in this life are not the accomplishments we reached or the wealth we earned, but the people who would love us and would love to celebrate those milestones with us.
THANK YOU FOR READING!
